Best Tips for Safe and Healthy BDSM

Tips for safe and healthy BDSM

When people hear the word BDSM, what comes to mind is the movie fifty shades of grey, well you can’t fault them because most people were in the dark about such sexual practices until they saw the movie. 

The acronym BDSM means bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. This sexual practice might seem new to you but it dates back to ancient Greece, the Kama Sutra (300 A.D.), and 15th century Europe. BDSM can be practiced by people in a healthy relationship and should not be considered abusive.

For people who want to introduce BDSM to their sexual life to spice things up, there are a few things regarding safety you need to know about this intriguing practice; this way, you will prevent a minor or life-threatening accident – and also an awkward conversation with an ER nurse. 

Before we dive into safe tips for BDSM, let’s understand the medical and psychological aspects of this sexual preference. 

Not so long ago, mental health experts were not sure about the sanity of people who practice BDSM, they assumed it was a type of mental illness. Researches were carried out and stigmatization associated with this kink was addressed. 

There are individuals who suffer from sexual disorders, an example is sexual sadism disorder which involves inflicting psychological or physical pain on another person for sexual pleasure. 

What differentiates BDSM from this disorder mentioned above is consent. In BDSM, all the parties involved are fully aware of what’s happening and they approve of it. 

Also, during BDSM, the dominant does not cause significant distress or impair the functions of the submissive. 

Psychological Impact

People who practice BDSM are psychologically fine and chose this kink over regular sex because they find regular sex boring or unfulfilling. Such people do not necessarily need to have had a bad sexual experience or difficulty having sex, they just want something a bit more intense and different. 

In this time and age, more people are practicing BDSM, and they are happy, satisfied, and in healthy relationships. 

Forms of BDSM

When it comes to BDSM, your choice of play and style is endless; you can get as creative as you want with your partner. For you to enjoy the best of BDSM, trust, respect, and exchange of power comes into play. 

A form of BDSM is role-playing where each partner acts out a role that involves a dominant and a submissive. Some roleplays are simple and others might require a script – all of these are based on your imagination and how much you can explore. Some of the ideas for role-playing are:

  • Owner and pet
  • Kidnapper and victim
  • Law enforcement and prisoner
  • Royal and commoner

Also, not all BDSM practice involves inflicting extreme pain on your partner; there is the light BDSM that includes playful and pleasurable activities like blindfolds, tickling, playful bum smacks, being tied to the bedpost with scarves, and making verbal demands. 

The hardcore BDSM can include caning, whipping, dripping hot wax on the skin, tying with ropes, and many more. 

Embracing healthy BDSM practices. 

Establish consent

Consent is what distinguishes BDSM from a sexual disorder, stating what you are both willing to do and how far you are willing to go before you begin helps to prepare both of you. 

As a submissive partner, you are giving consent and control to your dom, if you feel unsafe or threatened during the act, you can speak up and take back control. 

Pick someone you trust

BDSM requires that both partners trust each other to care and respect limits and boundaries. It’s advisable you only practice this kink with someone you absolutely trust and feel safe with – not just a random person you met on a bondage website. Due diligence must be carried out especially if you intend to be a sub. 

Be sober

Sometimes people who are drunk and have vanilla sex get hurt, how much more BDSM. You don’t want to put yourself in a position where your partner is too drunk to untie you from lack of blood circulation, or they accidentally choke you to death. 

Use safe words or signals

The use of safe words is a way of telling your partner you have gotten to your limit. The sub uses agreed phrases or signals to inform the dom of discomfort, pain, or an end to the game. Common safe words used are red, pineapple, peach, banana.

Learn to say NO and be okay with it

As a sub, you must know how to say “NO” when you don’t like something and you want it to stop. Also, as a dom, you should be okay with hearing the word “NO.” Don’t try to force your sub to take more of what they don’t like. 

Talk about sex after having it

Talking about sex after the session helps you understand what was going on in your partner’s mind at a particular time. Deducing what might be going on with them from their body language might not be enough, ask them if they liked something or not. 

Avoid compression around the throat

Whatever you do during sex, avoid putting pressure on the windpipe or constricting the carotid arteries as this can be very dangerous. If you must use a collar, ensure two fingers can comfortably fit between the collar and your partner’s neck. 

Know your toys

If you want to use toys during your play, ensure you know how they are used safely to avoid accidents. If you are using ropes, you can have a pair of scissors nearby for emergencies. 

Set boundaries

You might want to try something that your partner is not prepared to do; setting up boundaries before you begin helps you to know what you can and cannot do. 

Clean up

After your steamy sessions, you want to clean your toys and every other material used. Keeping these things clean ensures neither or your partner gets infected – UTI might not be life-threatening, but it is uncomfortable and will affect your sex life. 

BDSM play can be enjoyed by everyone as long as consent is given and you adhere to the rules above.

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